Talk To Yourself

I once heard about a counseling technique where you picture your younger self sitting next to you. You are the older self and you consider what you would tell your younger self. I found that interesting. When you think about yourself as a young child, how old are you? What age popped into your head at the mention?

I am about 6. I think my memory comes from my first grade photo. Pixie hair cut. Front teeth missing. Knee socks up to my knees and a little plaid dress. She looks pretty happy. No family traumas. Has friends to play with. A brother to fight with. A best friend who lives next door. A happy life. No idea of the world that is yet to be experienced for its good or its bad.

So I wondered what the true purpose of this exercise was.

Was it to warn that little girl with the toothless smile what was to happen in the future? Or was it to share with her all of the good things you would want her to hear, to affirm her so that when she was older she would feel confident and good about herself?

I have actually tried this. It seems that all of the negative things we say to ourselves, those old tapes that replay over and over when we least expect it, those little messages that target our worth were created some time between the age of our childhood and now.

Who recorded your tapes? Who set the message loop on continue so that within your mind you you could always count on a "little voice" reminding you that you aren't near that great.

My little self was a happy yet sometimes a fearful little girl. I would tell her today to gather around her as many people as possible who can love her, see the best in her and always, always be grateful that she is their friend.

Are You Listening?

As a speech language pathologist I spend my days welcoming into my office little people, most under 3 ft tall and their parents as they come to their weekly auditory verbal therapy session. These wonderful dedicated parents travel each week, some for many miles to learn to teach their hearing impaired child to listen and talk. With the technology we have today this is a daily event, children learning to listen and talk. It is hard work for these parents. It takes patience, courage, perseverance, and a bit of grit. You know that edge that helps you over the humps?

Today was no exception, children were welcomed at the waiting room door and most of them now give me the biggest smile and call out my name as if they can't wait to see what I am going to have for them this time. These brave parents follow them back, most of the time with a smile, sometimes with a weariness from the daily grind but always eager to share and learn.

The most special of days is when a child who has not heard suddenly through hearing aids or cochlear implants can now hear. That is a banner day for these parents. While they are anxious, they are also grateful.
Today I saw a young child on his second day after cochlear implant activation. There were noticeable differences in his communication, he was hearing us and responding well. I thought to myself, he is going to be a listener.

After some reflection about listening, I realized that is what I would like for people to say about me. She is a listener. My isn't talking so much easier. Our brains just think of what to say...or not...and out come the words. But to listen, now that is a gift we can give so many others.

What does it take to be an active listener?  Paying attention, showing you are listening, providing feedback to make sure you are understanding, deferring judgement until we can clarify, then responding accordingly with respect and care. Sounds easy! Most of us think we are listeners.

I am grateful today that I have friends who remind me to listen more closely, expect me to listen openly, and listen to me when I need an ear. Bless these precious children also, who are learning to do just that!

How To Be A Blessing

One of my favorite books is called "The Blessing" by Smalley and Trent. It is grounded in the custom from the Hebrew tradition that the father at some specific and special time in a child's life would intentionally and with the greatest depth of feeling give the child a spoken message..a blessing. I have always seen this as an ultimate act of  expression of love and encouragement. We all want to hear words of affirmation, acceptance, and love and when we do we tend to grown into healthier adults. We tend to be adults who can in turn have healthy and close relationships.

According to Smalley and Trent, "The Blessing" has five elements. A blessing must include a spoken message, attach high value, picture a special future, include an active commitment to see that the words lead to actions and must always include meaningful touch. 

The tradition of giving the blessing is still a part of the Jewish tradition. In today's world I think it is even more critical now that children receive this blessing and not just on one occasion but seamlessly as a part of family life regardless of ones religious faith. Taken another step further I love the idea that anyone, no matter their age, can give another person a blessing.

Parent to child, child to parent , spouse to spouse, co-worker to boss, boss to co-worker, friend to friend, neighbor to neighbor. There are endless pairs of relationships in which the gift of a blessing could only enhance the relationship or lift another person up. I challenge us to think about the words of blessing we have received in our lives, be grateful for them and to pay them forward by speaking them to another often. Smalley and Trent offer great help if  a person has somehow regretfully missed out on The Blessing.

 Complete the circle, continue the circle and give and give and give those blessing words away. You will never regret them.

Living Gratefully....one blessing at a time.

Taking Another Road...And Back

My hiatus from blogging gave me the opportunity to complete many other projects that have become valuable both personally and professionally. Yet there is so much to miss, especially the wonderful words of blog friends who have continued their dedication to their blogs.

I've been thinking about how refreshing it is to start something new. I've been grant writing, project managing, and planning and organizing. All things that I find I do well. The challenges have been many. Time management. Setting and meeting deadlines. Working cooperatively with others. Encouraging others and meeting fear head on. Fear can get the best of you when trying something new but if you can press on toward your goal you will find that there are so many gifts along the way.

Of course, there is also loss when trying something new.  Giving up something well loved in order to find out what you are made of. That untraveled path at first does not seem near as smooth as the one you have been on. That comfortable road that you could walk easily. Dare you leave it and go another way?

The good news, and there is good news and that is that when you come back to the familiar, like blogging you just pick up where you left off, no rules. Your fingers fit nicely on the key board and there is much more to say because you've been on that new traveled road. And you really don't mind if you are the only one around.

Hello my comfortable blog. It's me, maybe a bit tired but also refreshed. Different for having stepped back and worked on new goals. And still thinking abundantly and still grateful for all that I have. What a blessing!

Zig and Zag

January 2010 is ending soon and it looks like Oklahomans will break out of this month with an ice storm. Forcasts have been repeatedly stating the possible worst with thick ice causing power outages and up to a foot of snow on top of that. With this next wave of weather, the weathermen are warning everyone to prepare. We have made our list: snow shovel, bag of salt, extra water, food that can be cooked on our gas stove, and favorite books and movies. Guess we are prepared!

At least there is warning. I like warnings. I am a faithful weather watcher. I like to be prepared. I like to know what is coming.  However, in my effort to life gratefully I am also focusing on getting more comfortable with "seeing what happens", "going with the flow" "living in the moment" and "embracing spontaneity". This next event could just be an opportunity to practice.

Even with weather forcasts and radar capabilities, we still do not know what is really in store for us on Thursday. Maybe ice, maybe snow...maybe both. I do know that there will be an opportunity to zig and zag my way through. Whether in travel to and from work, dealing with a power outage or finding ways to occupy my time while snowed in, I will remind myself to adjust, adapt, and be aware that honing this skill might be of course my "planned spontaneity". :)

Living Gratefully is ...being thankful when the zig and zag opportunities come your way!

I'm Looking Around

I did it, I started my "To Do" list for the New Year. I have a compulsion in January to look around my home and really SEE what is before me. Most of the year I am busy with the routine and fail to see little pockets of "stuff" that need my attention. When did that little object get placed there... and why have I not noticed it. Wow! That room is looking bad...what does it need? We could use another .....

So this morning I started the list. I started with the living room...and moving mentally through each room noticed areas and items of neglect. I made a list of needs and a few wants that would improve our visual space but also the efficiency with which we go through our year. Nothing earth shattering but with a little attention I can plan how to make the changes. I can wait for sales, plan how to use my coupons and economically make the changes.

One example; we are down to two good pot holders. An object that I do not care in the least about but one that is necessary if you want to avoid scorched body parts. You get the idea. I am usually thinking big picture and assign more importance to improving my personal qualities rather that my possessions.

So, now I am more aware..the first step toward taking action. Now where is that coupon section of my Sunday paper?

New Year...New Word for 2010

It is the first of the NewYear and time to begin again a new commitment to a WORD for the year. Last year four blog friends and I blogged each month about our WORD journey. We all gained so much from each other. We were drawn to choose a word by Caroline of Constantly Evolving who inspires on so many levels with her words and her amazing photography. She is the one who challenged our little group in 2009, and she was challenged by Christine Kane who lives and breathes her word as well. She even has a Word of the Year discovery tool to down load here. My good friend Roban of Moments in Time has chosen her word for the year as well. Find her inspiring post here.

Abundance was the word that prompted me to begin this blog and it has carried me through faithfully.
My WORD for 2010 is "Gratitude". I'll begin a daily gratitude journal and through the act of gratitude hope to hold back other words that creep into my consciousness....anger, regret, judgement, worry.

The road map from abundance to gratitude came to me through Sarah Ban Breathnack, of Simple Abundance Online. She writes,“Whatever we are waiting for – peace of mind, contentment, grace, the inner awareness of simple abundance – it will surely come to us, but only when we are ready to receive it with an open and grateful heart.”

I pray for an open and grateful heart as I continue my journey in 2010.


Today I am grateful for ....A Day of Rest.